What I Haven't Been Telling You

We found out. After a couple years of waiting, praying, waiting and then a few months of more waiting, praying, waiting....we know our future adventures will continue courtesy of the United States Navy (cheapest moving company I know). By early next year, our next chapter will head truly to the heart of Texas in Ft. Worth/Dallas. We are thrilled to be staying in Texas and look forward to the culture as well as climate change up north.

Last week as we drove out to the beach early Saturday morning, anticipating with excitement our relaxation that immediately surrounds our family when sitting at the beach....it struck us. My husband that is, not really us. We will soon not live by the beach, not even by the ocean for that matter. This will be the first time ever our family has not resided by an ocean. It is a minimal bummer. But wow! we've always lived by the ocean, how great.

It was 2 years ago, I was convinced with all my analytical introspective thought-provoking heart that our boys will certainly be emotionally scarred for a lifetime if we voluntarily continue moving them every 2-3years. Their lives are doomed. To be a fully functioning future emotionally stable adult, one must reside in the same town from K-12th grade, knowing every one and every one knowing you at all times. What changed, you ask? I reached down and grabbed my boys' hands, squeezed tight, and then I let go. I opened my eyes and looked upward, trusting. Ya see, here's the deal...many moons ago when I was without hubbie and 3 sons. I was full of dreams, ambitions, lists of great things to do and all the while constantly consistently believing that truly our Great God was quick to rescue, always willing to help, and more than able to do the impossible. I was headed for full time ministry, traveling abroad, and more adventures than I can list. Then I fell madly in love, rapidly birthed 3 sons (although my labors are anything but rapid), moved 5 times, and quit trusting. That was then, I would tell myself. I can't choose adventures anymore. My eyes quickly came downward, my grip to what I can control became tighter, and my decisions became faithless. He's bringing me back. Slowly. The God I trusted many moons ago has gone nowhere. He is not smaller. He is not less capable. He resides with power and might and would love to still do the impossible through me. Without a doubt, doing the impossible looks way different than I expected. My daily impossibles are choosing to speak in a calm patient voice when my 3 year old comes out of his room holding his curtain rod, drywall floating to the ground...all 24 hours before a realtor is coming to look at our house. My impossible is answering my 5 year old's questions about bugs, God, dinosaurs, hopes, joys, and monster trucks. My impossible is the last year of dying to my self and nursing my Baby Boy even though it means sleeping when I want to work out, eating 2x more than my husband, and sitting when I want to jump. My impossible is making dinner, cleaning a house, smiling peacefully at my husband when he walks in the door. My impossible is building a city out of blocks, again. My impossible is laughing at spilled milk. My impossible is watching tears fill my boys' eyes to yet again be the 'new kid'. I reach down give them hugs, make them look me in the eyes and then I say, 'I love you. He thinks you're great. I think you're a warrior that won't someday do great things, I think you're doing great things now. Today. Go do them.'

My impossible is believing in His greatness today, not just for me, but for my boys. I have no idea how they will survive moves and transitions. But I don't need to know. My God, my God is ready to do the impossible for me now. And my impossible is giving Him my boys...He's going to take them on adventures. I can't wait to watch.


  1. Beautifully worded thoughts here. And such a great reminder to me as we face yet another move. Your boys are so fortunate to have your perspective in their lives.

  2. Favorite sentence- "I think you're a warrior who won't someday do great things; I think you're doing great things now. Today. Go do them. -- Beautiful, Julz

    It's funny. My mom and I just this week discussed one of the hardest transitions I ever had in life was transferring school systems in 6th grade. It was humbling, to say the least, but I survived, didn't I-- with fantastic memories and lifelong friends. What I took away from that experience was... It made me stronger and more resilient. It taught me persistence and it was a battle I had to fight on my own... Not something my mother could protect me from or try to intervene. The transition was long and slow, but I remember feeling so small in 6th grade as I sat by myself at lunch on the first day of school... and well, you know how the rest of my time at Perry turned out! I'll tell you, jul it was this experience alone that taught me the power of compassion and kindness, and I always strive to have these traits rule my heart.
    Best wishes to the fam, and good luck!

  3. Oh Julz this is a good one. Well done my friend. Things I needed to hear and will continue to need to hear in the months to come. Can I call you and just have you read this to me anytime I need to hear it? I'm sure you'll be telling me things whether I want to hear or not:)

    You are a great mom.

  4. I love you, Julz, for so many reasons. But one of the biggest is that I feel like I can be a better person with each conversation (on the phone or on the blog, it doesn't really matter) with you! Love you much and thanks for sharing.

  5. Beware... long comment...
    Julz,Why is it I think I am going to sit down and read your newest blog entry... then keep moving on with my day with what was listed or planned... then, I sit here in tears..just because I love you SO much and I am so humbled that God asked me to be your Mother. You are so beautiful, so honest, so humble, so much more than I have ever been...I am so proud of you Julz.

    God knew those boys would need a Mom and Dad like you and Beau. Parents who thought the "impossible" and never asked or tried not to ask "How am I going to do this?"... You leap with faith and trust and just do it! You may not think so, but I have watched you in action.

    I remember the first time I reached down to your little brother's hand (my son) squeezed tight and then let go. ( I like that saying of yours) I remember doing that repeatedly in the different seasons of life with Brand, Julz and Dust.

    Smart choice and one that is so very hard to do. Even when you do let go, it does not mean it is easy, No no...God never said things would be easy...it just means...you pray more, you trust God more, you are at Peace more and you have more Hope. It feels so much better than our human ways. This brings you much closer to God, which is His plan! You know the plans God has for your boys are great plans, plans to give hope and a great future while you help them go out and grasp today... the present. I am so at Peace that you see and know this, I love that! I love being a part of your life as you are a Mother and Wife, and watching you grow and grow and grow! Love it! Like Erin said, I also loved that saying of yours!

    I think... No I know, God prepares us for lifes adventures and issues and joys and bumps and hardships, in the future and we have no idea at the time. If I had not learned to let go, I would not handle the miles between us as well as I do. (well I do try) God knew you would be moving away, He also knew I needed to be a strong Mother for you and support your choices and your joys, like your next move! I am excited for you, Beau and your boys! It will be a great adventure!

    Good Lessons learned my sweet daughter. I love how you think, you pray, you ask God to help you in the midst of anything, you believe and know He will, and then...You move on! So much like your Dad. You teach me so much sweet Julie. Good Qualities!

    Oh and I never heard about the curtain rod and drywall story. I have to say I enjoyed reading about it. Little L, so much fun, even with a curtain rod dangling from his hand! I can just view the moment and only smile~.

    Have fun with all of the adventures your boys take you on. Know that you may have to come back to this "season", grab hold, squeeze tight, and let go again. Seems to be the way it is with raising children. Just as we raise our children, God continues to teach and "raise" us. I know God has squeezed tight and let go of me a million times.

    Bless you My Sweet Daughter. I love your Heart and I love you!

    I would obviously NOT be good at the twitter thing!

  6. momma....I love you.

    You should get a blog! ;)

  7. Julie I love your heart and your testimony of how you're trusting God :) Thank you for sharing your impossibles and reminding me that nothing will be impossible with God.


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