Hope Now

It came at last. Frankly, I think it crept in the back door on me and surprised me. I dislike surprises. The surprise arrived last April and it was this feeling that my Big Boy and I needed a break. A break from each other. He needed to flee the nest for a bit. Just a bit. Our lessons were going great and still continue to be going remarkably well. He's excited each day for kindergarten, thriving in his Math, and learning to read so well. But all those other hours of the day that used to be easy to fill with natural play had slowly diminished to tension, boredom, and frustration. He needed something I couldn't give him at home. Adventure. A mountain to climb. Something that thrilled his need to risk and build his self-worth, fueling him to take ownership of 'I can. I will'...not just cause Mom and Dad believe it. But he needs to see it, believe it.
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So, I did what any concerned burnt out homeschool mama would do, I signed him up for summer camp. Not just any camp. Sea Camp! At our state aquarium which just happens to be a short drive from our home. I explained to him what it was all about, daily 9am-12pm, dropped off, tons of animal exploration, aquatic crafts and snacks, and play. He was immediate with his joyful response, "I want to do it!"
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Today was his big day of adventure. Yes, I was on the verge of tears driving him over (the big bridge, not to mention) for drop-off this morning. I was not sad about leaving him. I was thrilled with excitement for his experience and the privilege it was to watch him reach down in his spirit and find the courage and strength I know is there. He found it, puffed his chest out and said, "Bye Mommy. I will miss you. But I will have lots of fun, see you later." And he was off. Ran over and found his place in the circle.

Sometimes I choose fear. I fear hurt. I fear losing control. I fear change. I fear trying new things. Sometimes each of these fears can creep out in my parenting. Slowly, I make decisions based on these fears.

I want surrender. I surrender my fears and choose hope. Hope of all things working for good. Hope of never being abandoned or forsaken. Hope of leaning not on my own understanding, and my paths will be straight. Hope of a love that quiets me and rejoices over me. Hope of protection beyond what I can imagine. When I choose hope, I choose it for my boys, too. Hope is for them, not just me.

When I choose fear, I build their fears. When I choose hope, I build their hope. Hope of their journey and the truth that my Big Boy is God's workmanship created to do great things. To some, it's just a little week of Sea Camp. But to me, it's a small step in a big journey toward my prayer that he chooses hope. Hope to overcome the hurt, joys, and unexpected happenings of life that will fall toward him.

He's only five. Thankfully, hope knows no age. And the One True Living God knows no boundaries.
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Comments

  1. Oh, Julie...what a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing how awesomely God is working in your life. : ) What an inspiration for all moms out there experiencing their own fears and hurts...giving them hope.

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  2. This is a good one... some of your thoughts seem very much like mine... different circumstances perhaps but the same idea. Whenever I have children, I Know I will feel very much the same way. I hope to handle it all in such a courageous manner :)

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  3. amazing! My love for you as your Mother..... just blows up inside of me and then melts all over....when I read these kinds of posts! You are an amazing woman of God and I am so proud to call you my daughter. When you talked about dropping off.... driving away.... I got a big lump in my throat... it wasn't just about Brody going to Sea Camp... it was about Mommy dropping him off there too! I love you Julz.... SO MUCH!I am proud of you for choosing Hope!

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  4. Thank you for sharing. I'm always blessed by what you write and this one is especially timely for me right now. Thank you!

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  5. A lovely body of writing to capture this important moment for B. You show great wisdom in knowing when it's time to offer B something that you can't be there for--independence. That's difficult and ever so important to recognize as a parent. I admire you for it. Happy sea camp week!

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  6. *smile* You are a fabulous mother.

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  7. You know, I just needed to read this post. As a homeschooling mama myself, I have all these fears that if I let my babe out of my grip, so to speak, I have handed them over to Satan (I know, dramatic!). This just reminds me that sometimes it is *good* and right and fine to get away and allow them to thrive outside of our tight spaces.

    Thank you!

    By the way, I LOVE your profile!

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