Do We Wish We Were Having A Girl?

We get stares most places we go.  Something about having all the same gender of children, for some reason, appears to be a circus show to many.  I even get such intellectual questions as,

"All boys?"


"No girls?"

Yes, you've observed correctly oh wise stranger.

But, then of course, once another pregnancy comes along........comes new questions and remarks.  Let's be honest.  Even if not spoken at all times, they are thought of continuously.

"Are you trying for a girl?"


"Are you hoping it's a girl"


"Is it a girl?"

And the best one.

"Oh, I'm sorry.  Will you try for a fifth?"

Friends.  Complete strangers.  I'm going to hit these head on and answer what everyone wants to know....

"Do we wish for a girl?"

Yes.  

Yes, of course, we would love a daughter because we don't have one.  I would love to sink myself deeply into all things girl.  I particularly see older young adult women out with their Moms and feel a tinge of loss.  That indeed, I don't have the path to eventually lead me there to that moment I'm observing.  

I've been given different paths.  So, in my yes of wanting a girl.  The bigger question goes much deeper. One of disappointment, bitterness, and plain anger.  That is where I do not sit.  Of course we wish for a girl, because we don't have one.  But we have chosen the pregnancy of each our our children never once out of hope for a specific gender.  There is no satisfaction in that.  Expectations are merely setting us all up for disappointment.  For even if it was a girl, there's no doubt she'd blossom into a much different girl than I ever anticipated.  

Do I wish this specific baby growing, kicking inside was a girl?  

No. He's a boy.  And it is beautiful.  Honorable.  Humbling.  Overwhelming.  Joyous.  Gratitude.  To be given four sons.  We have no choice but to be thankful.  Four sons.  All so different.  All so wonderful.  To be chosen to raise and shepherd four sons.  As I lay on the ultrasound table upon finding out the gender of this baby, I cried.  It was the first time I cried and didn't laugh at the gender announcement.  It was a warm tear of gratefulness.  The future thought of bringing home another son, and this time laying him down beneath the excited eyes of 3 brothers.

The bigger plan is not just having a fourth son, but adding him to the brotherhood we already seeing forming in our present three sons.  He will be well taken care of, well loved and watched with eager eyes of just what wondrous giftings and strengths he will be given.

There's a fine mix between the private grieving of no daughter, paired with the worshipful hands that say thank you for our four sons.  Having children is not like ordering at a restaurant.  It's much more beautiful.  I can't wait to hold my fourth son.

And so we continue.  Our circus show.  I can only imagine the soon-to-be stares and wise remarks that will keep coming.  Many of which I think are incredibly private questions to ask anyone, let alone a stranger.  But I will continue answering.

Yes, all boys. All ours.  All four.

And we are nothing, nothing but grateful.